2014: The Year I Decided to Have it All

2014 was the year I got everything I always wanted and never imagined I could have. It was also the year I realized those "things" I really wanted were relationships, moments, feelings and a true sense of self and not money (which I thought would bring me that wish list above for so long).

If the year had a signature graphic, I would go with the lightbulb.

As in, "{LIGHTBULB} A "big girl" job isn't necessarily better than one I don't hate that pays my bills..."

"{LIGHTBULB} I actually LOVE being a stay-at-home mom."

"{LIGHTBULB} I've been informally coaching my WHOLE LIFE."

"{LIGHTBULB} I'm meant to be an entrepreneur!"

2014 was the year my soul lit up and burst into red-hot (ambitious) flames in a way I never saw coming. It was the year I stopped being complacent and started "showing up" in every way: as a mother, wife, creative, business owner, student, and coach. It was the year I tapped into a part of myself I wasn't even confident was still in there anymore. The dreamer who demanded she get to have her cake and eat it, too. (Speaking of cake, I ate a lot of that this year, too. Fitness is on 2015's list.) It was the year I happily allowed myself to stay in my pjs with my daughter and snuggle til noon if I felt like it, because, well, I freaking felt like it, and while I'm reflecting, lazy mornings with A stand out as one of THE top 5 greatest things about 2014.

I'm feeling clear-headed, creative, calm & "on fire" since returning home to Charleston in 2015 after 2 weeks of holiday travel. I credit this new and welcomed state of mind to the time I've taken to reflect. This past Sunday, after we unpacked the car, cleaned the house, put the baby to sleep and crawled into bed, I took out a journal my prima brought me back from Paris ages ago (thanks, B!) and finally knew exactly what I wanted to fill it with: important moments and achievements from 2014, visions for 2015, business goals, creative ideas, my personal "WHY," my professional "WHY." Coaches I follow swear by this ritual so I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Now I know and will force you guys to adopt it, too. It gave me clarity, gratitude, perspective, strength, humility, ambition and filled me with even more love for my little family.

When I think back to this time one year ago, I was just starting to glimpse the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. This is a combination of so many things: My husband and I had set the end date for my job (Valentine's Day), my antidepressants had just started kicking in and my postpartum depression was quickly being managed, and my body was starting to feel like my own again after, well, you know. And because of all of this I was starting to feel close to my best friend, my husband, for the first time since A was born. The heaviness that had plagued me was lifting, and I ran to burst out the other side of that tunnel as fast as I could, knowing whatever waited for me in the light would be better than the dark. I knew that leaving my corporate job was the right thing to do. The ONLY option left. The only choice I hadn't even considered because it seemed so irresponsible. But once I entertained the idea, I just had this overwhelmingly confident feeling that everything would work out the way it was supposed to. Like suddenly I remembered and had faith in myself that I was born with all the tools I needed, and I just had to employ them. 2014 was the year I discovered what those tools were and used them to build something that makes me proud personally and professionally.

We get so caught up in the "What am I supposed to do with my life?" epidemic that we lose sight of the "Who do I want to be?" question that should come first. Once you determine the WHO, the WHAT naturally follows. But you have to trust your gut and have faith in YOURSELF that your tools will be enough.

I think you're supposed to say that the moment your first child was born was THE most important moment of your life. And I used to feel guilty that my child's first weeks of life were not spent feeling entirely "complete." I felt overwhelming love and gratitude for the miracle of life that I was gifted that some women dream of and never experience. AND I felt kind of like a milk-producing zombie with no social life or mojo for a few months there. It was all good and life-changing stuff, but I would not say it was my BEST moment. My moment arrived when I shifted from unfulfilled working mom into deliberate role model. When I started showing up for MYSELF, and MY dreams and MY relationships, that is when I became the best mother I could be and felt like I was living my life in a way that would make my daughter proud someday (I hope). That’s when I felt like I deserved the beautiful baby that was bringing me so much joy and love every day. Like I was giving back to her the best part of myself that she was freely giving to me. When I decided WHO I wanted to be the WHAT just presented itself to me, and it was suddenly SO OBVIOUS what I was supposed to be doing with my life.

On the last day of my Coach Training Alliance class phone call, everyone on the line shared the biggest impact coaching has had on their relationships over the 6 months. Most people said something about innately coaching those in their lives and receiving positive feedback. I went last and felt nervous to share something that felt more personal.

"The biggest impact for me has been on my marriage. But not because I coach my husband, because I don't. Instead I feel like all of us here have essentially run and jumped off a cliff by choosing this new career and entrepreneurship. It's risky. And I feel really grateful because I didn't have to jump alone. My husband held my hand and jumped with me and has supported me every inch of the fall into the unknown, and because of that, I feel like our marriage is even stronger now."

2014 was the year I fell back in love with my husband in a way that feels like we are cemented together. It was the year I became a certified life coach. It was the year I walked away from a perfectly good job (and paycheck). It was the year I started saying YES to personal challenges and NO to anything that didn't propel me and my family towards our newest collective goals:"OUR happy."

2014 was the year I learned what it feels to be my Best Kept Self, and now that I know how I feel when I'm "on fire," I'll never be able to sit back comfortably and watch as I coast through marriage, motherhood or my personal development ever again.

What did 2014 mean for you? How will 2015 be different? Have you written down what you want from this year and how you're going to get it? YOU SHOULD.

2015 is the year I'm diving into something fun and exciting I've wanted to do for a LONG time: VIDEOS. I have plans to cram them with valuable content and give them to you for FREEEE with my Rise & Shine Series, a monthly video workshop that will cover a wide range of topics to help you design YOUR happy. I'm kicking it off in January with, "How to Get What You Want in 2015." It will be a five-part workshop that launches Monday, January 26th, and ends Friday, January 30th, and to get it you need to SIGN UP HERE. This will allow you to access the private videos and have them delivered to your inbox every morning for the last week of January.

2014 was the year I turned "shoulds" into "wills" and RECEIVED EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED. I want to teach YOU how to do the same in 2015. 

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