#ThisIsRealLife Thursday series: We're in the business of HAVING it all and not DOING it all. To do this, we have to learn how to disappoint people and that IT'S OKAY to say no.
I first met Kiva Leatherman because she was one of the featured mentors in Boss School, the entrepreneur online course I took a year ago, which kinda sorta changed my life. She’s a financial ninja and a magnificent coach, but there’s more (there’s always more). She’s also a mother to two children, a wife and someone on her own journey to use her gifts to impact the world and live a life that fills her to the brim. I started reading her posts on her Wise Women Network Facebook page and found myself either tearing up or fired up. She was bravely putting into the world the radical ideas and beliefs about motherhood and entrepreneurship that are baked into my mission for Shiny. Happy. Human.: Mothers reclaiming their identities as women. Women setting themselves FREE from the preconceived constraints of motherhood as an institution for selflessness. Women making their lives count not because they made children, but because they LIVED their one beautiful life to the fullest and that example made children who grew into fulfilled and fearless adults.That is the future I want to create for my daughter.
That is why I return to my laptop day after day and make myself as vulnerable as my soul calls for it to be. I want to give our Mommy Soul Tribepermission to HAVE IT ALL. I want us to not live in fear of other people’s judgment when we do life and motherhood differently, because it is what our souls are longing to do.
Kiva has been doing it differently for 6 years now and she is as ambitious, devoted and inspiring as they come. To me, she is one of the very few women in the world showing ME what is possible for my life, not only as an entrepreneur, but as a mother.
This 40-minute video is a MUST-WATCH or LISTEN. Whether you press play as you go for a walk or wash the dishes or lay in bed, press play. It’s juicy and I’m so proud to bring it to you. It’s also an important message for many women who don’t hear it often enough. Women are scared to talk about these things for fear of judgment, but as Kiva says in the interview, “People will judge you, and you will still live.”
Controversial video highlights include the following:
- Her own story of trying to find herself in the new context of motherhood (hint: she may have gotten herself fired so she could stay home with her kids)
- Why it’s a dangerous proposition to not at some point find something that’s just for YOU. And why NOT doing that, puts a lot of pressure on your kids and ultimately, isn’t fair to them.
- Why anytime we make a choice to give over the impact, success and joy of our life to another human, it’s is a risky move.
- The belief that you cannot get something outside of you that you do not have yourself.
- Answers the question of how we can evolve parenting and the role of motherhood so everyone isn’t living in fear (of judgment, of being different, of being themselves, of trusting their intuition, etc).
- What to say to the mother who has defined her life by her selflessness and sacrifice to her children and wakes up one morning to notice her light is dimming.
When you’re living the life that you don’t want to be living it’s “soul-crushing.” I know this, because it’s exactly how I felt every day from the time my daughter was 3-6 months (my period of being back at work after Aria’s birth). And I want to emphasize that it’s not that working, per se, was crushing my soul. It’s because of a quiet intuitive whisper that kept reminding me, “this isn’t IT.” It doesn’t matter what your professional role or choice is. It just matters that you are honest with yourself and pay attention to your own inner guidance. The instant question I kept hearing during that dark period of my life was, “Is the life I’m living, the life I would want for my children and if not, what can I do to move towards that life?”
Ignoring that answer cost me my own light and joy. Answering it gave me back my identity.
I’ve since learned that I can HAVE IT ALL, and so can you, and I want you to remember that every time you feel trapped by preconceived constraints of obligations, finances, sacrifice and on and on. I’m not the richest I’ve ever been, but I’m the happiest and most fulfilled, and THAT is what having it all looks like for me. And I know with every fiber of my being that I’m on the right path, and it only gets better. And THAT is true freedom. I want that for you, too.
I’m with Kiva on this one. We can be present and involved in our children’s lives without self-sacrificing our own ambition and paths as women. Kiva doesn’t believe that “mothering in itself is IT.” What about you? What do you think?
We are the first generation of women who can have this conversation. So LET’S HAVE IT.
In humble gratitude for this life, its gifts and our Mommy Soul Tribe,
PS: Please forgive the sound quality of this interview. I’ve since learned the massive importance of headphones.
If this video leaves you wanting more, check out my coaching services. We can have it all, mama. Let me show you how.